Love and fear, fear and love. How can I think I feel both when I know it is impossible to have them both at the same time...they are not exact opposites and don't entirely cancel each other out. Well, with one exception...if you think you love someone and then you're afraid, it's not love. It's some indefinable (by laypersons) machination of the ego wanting to be fulfilled and not getting its feed and then fearful of harm through rejection. I can't articulate the thoughts well tonight.

I thought I loved someone unconditionally once. It didn't matter what this person said or did until he hurt me. I know why he did what he did and it didn't really have much to do with me. So, if I can see where it comes from, there should be no hurt feelings...but then the fearful ego stepped in and said wait a minute, you might be the cause and that created doubt and what felt like unconditional love disappeared when the fear stemming from the ego kicked in. Gosh it will take some time to untangle what happened but this I do know and must go back to...love and fear cannot share the same space in your heart. Where there is true love, there is no fear and where there is fear, there is no true love. So, can love replace fear in time? Yes, yes absolutely...but you have to stop with the external thoughts on love and turn them inward. Sounds weird but it works. You forget everything happening or being said in the outside world and you love yourself until the fear fades...then you can venture out again and see the world through the eyes of love instead of through the eyes of fear.

I hope to one day learn what it really means to love unconditionally...I don't have to receive it but I want to learn how to really give it. It's important to me that I learn the difference. I can love my children unconditionally but no one else. That's not good and its deeper into my studies I will go, and I will learn and this fear won't trouble me again once I learn it.

Forgive my rambling sorting thoughts this evening. My poetry is inspired by these two things and so I seek to understand them both a little better. Peace to all.